Sex Education in the Public Schools = Abstinence
By: Mike Long

There is no subject that has generated more confusion among teens today than sex. Teens say it's all our friends talk about (peer pressure). It's all we see on television. It's all we see in movies and advertising. It's all over the internet. It's all our favorite groups sing about. And in many cases our teachers are showing us how to do it (comprehensive sex education). No wonder so many teens believe "everyone is doing it" and if they want to be cool and popular like everyone else, then they need to be doing it too.

The fact is everyone is NOT doing it. Teens who buy into this kind of "sexual freedom" promoted so heavily in our culture are now asking these questions: "Hey man, what's all this I'm hearing about AIDs and STDs?" "Why are so many of my friends getting their hearts broken from premarital sex?" "I'm not ready to be a mother." "I'm not ready to be a father." "Is there anything I can do to be 'sexually free' of those things?"

There is no doubt the sexual revolution of the last few decades has not only produced the greatest epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases, divorce and heartache in our society, but also created the most confused and misdirected generation of teenagers in our schools.

Even many parents and educators don't know what to do about this problem. Many throw their hands in the air, conclude our teens are "going to do it anyway," and feel they're being responsible teachers by throwing condoms at the problem. It is the defeatist approach to teaching kids, giving teens all the information they need to "protect themselves" while offering them no direction of how to be completely free from serious consequences. Teens are left to make adult decisions even though they already admit they're confused and can't decide. So many fall prey to the daily pressures that tell them to go for it, equipped with the false security that a condom will protect them.

Take Sec. Of State Colin Powell's remarks recently on MTV. He was asked how sexually active teens should respond to the AIDS epidemic. His response in so many words was to "protect yourself" by using condoms. I wonder what Sec. Powell would say to the kid who takes his advice, uses a condom, and still gets AIDS? Here's what he should have said:

Many have often heard that if you're going to be sexually active, you should use a condom. Well let me tell you what that condom WILL do for you. It will reduce your risk of becoming a parent when you're not ready, but you must understand, the risk is still there. It will reduce your risk of contracting AIDS and some diseases, but you must understand, the risk is still there. What kind of odds do you want to play when it comes to AIDS, genital warts (HPV), and other diseases that will scar you for life? Response from kids is always: ZERO! Guess what? Teenagers just concluded that abstinence was the best choice for them to make. You never even said the word, yet teens themselves arrived at that conclusion on their own by simply hearing the truth of what a condom will do. They embrace abstinence because none of them want to take their chances of contracting these life scarring diseases no matter how much the odds are reduced. Oh, and by the way teenagers....I've never seen a condom made anywhere in the world that will protect a teenager's HEART and this is where most teens are getting hurt.

Now, did we talk about condoms here? YES WE DID! The difference is, we told the truth about them and in doing so, teenagers are intelligent enough to embrace abstinence as the only answer to a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life.

In my 20 years as an abstinence educator, the one thing I have learned from teenagers is they know more today about contraceptives than at any time in our history and yet most will choose not to use them for 3 primary reasons:

1) The invincible teenager - the "nothing is going to happen to me" mentality.
2) Takes all the romance out of it all. Teens would rather sex happen in the heat of the moment instead of pausing to use a condom.
3) Teens who choose to use contraceptives identify themselves as being sexually active and they don't like the identity.

So I learned a long time ago, you can teach teens all you want about contraceptives and yet most will choose not to use them anyway.

One of the worst experiences I ever had was talking with a 17 year old boy in Kalamazoo, Michigan who said, "Mr. Long, I thought I was being responsible, I thought I was being safe, I thought I was being mature. I used a condom. Why am I a father now?" The three words he used are critical. He had been taught in his health class at school that being responsible, safe, and mature was using a condom. He took that advice and it didn't work for him. If parents and educators teach from the premise that responsibility, safety, and maturity is condom use, what will they say to their teens who take their advice, use a condom, and still gets AIDS?

Even the Surgeon General's recent sexuality report uses words like "responsible sexual behavior" over 20 times. The question is do we teach kids that responsible sexual behavior is the kind of behavior that failed for my friend in Kalamazoo? Or do we teach kids that responsible sexual behavior is sexual abstinence until marriage?

More and more educators, parents, and health professionals are concluding that sexual abstinence until marriage is the wisest, most healthy lifestyle for all teenagers. School systems and youth organizations across America are embracing abstinence education programs that work into their health curriculum. The federal government has jumped on the bandwagon, appropriating over $250 million (1996 Welfare Reform Act) in block grants to the states for the sole purpose of funding abstinence until marriage programs. President Bush barely mentions the word education today with attaching the words character and abstinence to it.

The president now wants Congress to raise funding for abstinence education by 33 percent this year to a total of $135 million. Even Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy Thompson, spoke in favor of the increased funding, "The president feels, the administration feels, a lot of people in Congress feel that this a much better way to attempt to solve this problem of teen-age pregnancy."

There is no question that abstinence education is on a roll, but there are still many who have not bought into it because they do not have a clear understanding of what abstinence education is all about. Many believe that abstinence is unrealistic because they think it is simply lecturing kids, finger-pointing, or telling them to: "Just Say No." Quite the contrary. In fact, abstinence education incorporates one of the most innovative and effective methods of teaching - something I call directive education.

Directive education works and directive education sells. For example, let's say you go to your school principal (or administrator, etc.) and say, "Principal, we would like to bring Mike Long in to conduct a teacher training and school assembly on abstinence…." The fact that you used the word abstinence often leads the principal to a false preconceived conclusion like, "Oh, you want to bring him in to lecture our kids and tell them to just say, 'NO!' That'll never work." Because you used the word abstinence, you are often immediately labeled as right-wing, religious, and unrealistic. You often find yourself from that point on talking to a brick wall!

So what if you said, "Principal, we would like to bring Mike Long in to conduct a teacher training and school assembly on directive education…." At this point, the principal is going to ask you with an open mind, "What's that?" Now you can dispel the myths or preconceived notions the principal may carry from the beginning of your explanation:

"Well, let me tell you what he's not going to do. He's not going to lecture kids. He's not going to preach to them. He's not going to tell them to 'Just say NO!' He's going to get on a teenager's level and direct them how to make responsible, healthy decisions in life that will build their character, build responsibility, build maturity, build discipline, and completely free them from life-scarring consequences."

When you explain it like that, nearly every principal in America will say, "Well, bring him in!!" Why? Because you just gave that principal what every principal, school board member, administrator, teacher, health professional, parent, etc. wants for ALL of our teenagers: character, responsibility, maturity, discipline. That is what abstinence education is all about. That is what sells to the schools.

If we want our teens to make responsible, safe, and healthy decisions in a sex-crazed culture, it is imperative that parents and teacher's learn and implement a directive education approach with teens. If all we give our kids is a condom or a lecture of, "Just say NO," we will fail. But if we learn how to teach on a teenager's level and direct them to the conclusion that sexual abstinence until marriage is the wisest, most healthy choice for them to make, we will succeed.

Since 1985 it has been my privilege to train over 35,000 educators in 46 states how to successfully implement directive education in their schools. To see these teachers use this new teaching strategy with teens and get the positive results they get has been the most rewarding experience I have ever had as an educator. We need more salespersons to take this positive message to their communities. The dividends created will prove we made the greatest investment in our kids' insuring happier, healthier, and more fulfilling lives!

Mike Long - (919) 562-4080 - Durham, NC