“Fewer U.S. Teens Report Being Sexually Active.”  That’s the headline today from Reuters Health based on a 10-year study just published in the Journal of Adolescent Health.  Indeed from 1992 – 2002, there was a dramatic decline in the number of teens having sex.

For example, in 1992, 56 percent of girls and 61 percent of boys 15 to 19 years old claimed to have had sex.  In 2002, those percentages dropped to 47 percent of girls and 46 percent of boys (as shown by data compiled by the National Survey of Family Growth).

What was one of the reasons cited for this decline?  Parents who consistently set the standard of sexual abstinence at home!  In fact, look at any survey of teens when asked whom they look to first and foremost for direction on any issue (including sex) and the overwhelming response is their parents.

That’s why parents must be the #1 director in their teens’ lives.  I believe it’s our job as parents to set the boundaries.  It’s our teens’ job to test those boundaries!  It’s our job to keep them within those boundaries.  And deep down inside, where do you think most teens really want to be in the first place?  They want to be within the boundaries.

But what do we often hear from our teens when we set them?  How about, “Oh mom!” or “Oh dad.”  Or the worst of all, they roll their eyes at us.  Well parents, have you ever considered what your teens are really saying to you when they roll their eyes?  They are saying, “Mom, dad, I’m listening to everything you tell me.  I just don’t want you to know it right now because I’m a teenager!”

That’s why in this culture, it is essential that parents speak the truth to their teens, saying it as simply as possible, and saying it over and over again.  If parents choose otherwise, they will abandon their role as #1 director in their teens’ lives, leaving them to a culture telling them over and over to “go for it” regarding sex.

So parents, let me encourage you to hang in there!  Today more than any other, you must set a standard for sexual abstinence until marriage in the lives of your teenagers.  You need to take every opportunity to talk with them about why that standard is best.  And when you do, if they roll their eyes at you….smile!  That means you’re connecting!

I constantly remind my two teenagers, “You can roll your eyes at me all you want, but as your dad, I will always direct you in the right standard to follow.  I will always tell you the truth.”  It amazes me how often they still come to me (or their mom) with questions seeking direction on any given subject.  They know we will tell them the truth and direct them in the way they should go.  They trust us and that’s why they keep coming to us.

Yes, many times they will roll their eyes or say, “I knew that’s what you would tell me.  I’ve heard it a million times!”  Each time they say that to me I just smile because I know I connected!  And as they walk away, my response is always, “And you’ll hear it a million more times because I love you and I don’t want to see you get hurt!!”  Interesting how they still keep coming back for more!

The biggest mistake parents make with their teens is abdicating their directorship just to be their teenager’s “buddy.”  If there is one thing I’ve learned from teenagers is they are not the least bit interested in their parents being their “buddy.”  They can find all the buddies they want at school.  They are looking to their parents to be their PARENTS – to set the right standards and boundaries at home and give them the direction they are desperately searching for when they roll their eyes!

So again, hang in there mom and dad.  Your teenagers are depending on you.  Yes you are connecting when you hear the “Oh mom or dad!”  And when you speak the truth to them, saying it as simply as possible and saying it over and over again, you will be the best friend your teenagers every had!  Later in their lives, they will come back and thank you for setting the boundaries.  Then you’ll really smile when you watch them do the same for your grandchildren!

Until next time…

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